Love the way you love me
by KennethRathers
Summary: Red and Lizzy have a heart to heart conversation. Lizzington


This is my first Fanfiction ever and I thought I'd give it a try. English is not my first language and I didn't have a beta, so please be kind. :D

I don't own the blacklist or the characters

The latest Blacklister lead them to Italy, where a meeting with an associate of Red was set the next day. He had insisted that Lizzy would stay with him, in a small town named Torri del Benaco but Lizzy seemed to have other planes and preferred a hotel instead. She had agreed to a short briefing at his house that evening and now stood before her bunch of clothes which were neatly placed on the bed. It was a rather warm evening, so she chose simple dark jeans and a white blouse. Fortunately, her hotel was not far away from his house, so that she could take a walk to breath the beautiful atmosphere in and to clear her mind. Conversations with Red made her somehow nervous. Even a year working with him did not make it easier for her. He was an intimidating, enigmatic, dangerous, but also charming, attractive and humorous man. That was what he allowed himself to show her. She knew the man Red Reddington ,the criminal but the man behind that mask, Raymond Reddington ,was still placed in a safe, most likely also bound with tape and hidden somewhere in the back of his closet. With her head shaking, as if it would help her to arrange her thoughts, she arrived just in time at his doorstep and took a last calming breath, before her knuckles hit the dark wood of his door. While waiting, she glanced around and admired his house and especially its location. It was a renaissance villa at the Lake Garda and obviously too big for one person alone but it fits Reds personality. She couldn't think of him staying in an apartment without any luxury around. He likes to impress other people and this house was definitely impressive.

The door opened and she was greeted by Red who wore blue jeans and a black shirt with the first three buttons undone. She quickly eyed him from head to toe, inwardly hoping he wouldn't notice it, but his now brighter smile told her that she had failed.

"Hello Lizzy.", he smiled and stepped aside to let her in, his hand casually placed on the small of her back as he lead her through the hall into the living room, "Why haven't you called? I would have picked you up."

"I wanted to walk. Long flights make me sleepy and even if I would love to go to bed, I can't, because you couldn't find the time to tell me all the information about that associate of yours on our flight.", she answered slightly annoyed.

He tilted his head and an amused smirk came across his lips. "Okay then, why don't you wait on the terrace while I make you some coffee? There are some files on the table. You should read them and I'll join you shortly."

She nodded in thanks and watched him disappearing in the kitchen. Liz couldn't help herself, but admire his broad shoulders and butt as he walked out of the room. She quickly turned around, before he'd catch her looking at him again and went towards the table he had pointed at in the living room. It was inviting. The room had a fireplace, two sofas on the white marble floor and a cupboard with, what it seems, hundreds of vinyl records. _'Looks like a obsession'_ was her only thought about it.

After taking the files from the table; she studied the paper while making her way to the backyard where she collapsed onto a comfortable couch. Her left hand supported her heavy head and she tried to focus on the object which was placed in her lap when Red returned; carrying an espresso cup and a bottle of wine including two glasses.

"Why are we...", Liz began to speak; looking up and stopped abruptly, " Wait, I didn't want wine."

"Not yet.", he stated mater-of-factly and seated himself next to her; handling her her coffee, and placing the other items on the table before them.

"Why are we supposed to meet your contact here? He's living in D.C."

Red poured himself a generous glass and took a sip of his wine; savoring its taste on his tongue while praising the view on the lake and the way the sun was about to set behind the mountains.

"I missed this place.", he sighted. With that he crossed his legs and glanced at an angry Lizzy. Her empty cup landed loudly on his glass table when he said those words. She desperately looked for any objects she could hit him with but there was nothing to be found. His luck. For now, because she would definitely keep that in mind.

She leaned back and starred at the sky; inwardly slapping herself for trusting him. Enjoying the momentary silence she took a few calming breaths what she only did when she was with him.

He cleared his throat once and tried not to chuckle about her current behavior. It was certainly endearing and he loved it to provoke her. As if nothing had occurred he filled her glass and held it towards her.

"Would you like to have some wine, now?", he asked her in an excited voice; his inner child jumping upside down in anticipation about her upcoming outburst.

Liz would have loved to grab the glass from him only to pour the wine over his damn smiling head. She shot him a deadly glare; the exhaustion she had felt a few moments before completely gone. Leaning forward and their bodies just inches away; she poked her finger into his chest. "What game are you playing Reddington? I have better things in mind than sharing a bottle of wine with you in your fancy house."

"Such as? Looking around for your lost husband and keep him captive again?", his left eye twitched as he mentioned Tom "I thought you might need a couple of days off from the Bureau, after all what happened with Tom and Berlin."

Liz was utterly flabbergasted and her mouth slightly parted but she didn't know how to respond. She knew he only wanted the best for her even if she didn't know why, but she had learned to ignore this bothering voice in her head and accepted his ongoing concern for her. What she won't allow to accept was, however that Red still called Tom her husband. Again, all she wanted to do was slap him until he'd finally understood that Thomas Keen or whatever his real name may be is, is not her husband nor is she still loving him. She took a small sip of her wine before answering him with confidence in her voice.

"As much as I appreciate your concern but could you please stop calling him my husband? What would possibly make you believe me that I do not love this man anymore? Sleeping around maybe? Would that help you to change your mind?" He studied her intensely and placed his empty glass on the table, then turned sideways to face her and giving her his complete attention. "No, that wouldn't help me to believe you.", he whispered sincerely. _'Unless with me.', _the voice in the back of his mind interrupted him. "But if you say that you don't love him, I will believe you.", he patted her knee lightly and gave her a sad smile. Of course he didn't believe her. She still looked awfully tired considering the recent events they've been trough. He could understand her struggle though, since he spent most of his time with her; the woman who captured his heart with the blink of an eye, but he knew a relationship or even a step into a more intimacy liaison was too dangerous. What he wanted was her to trust him. That was the reason why they were here.

" You should really work on your poker-face, when you're with me, Red.", she stated flatly and starred on his hand which was placed on her knee, " Let's try it differently... How would you define 'Love'? Without the loss of control crap and powerlessness."

He withdrew his hand and rubbed over his short cropped hair, for the first time not really prepared with an adequate answer.

He chewed the inside of his cheek; meanwhile studying her features as if she would have the answer he was presently seeking.

"Lizzy, will you please look at me?"

Her eyes immediately found his; the mask he usually had on, gone now. Her question was personal, and therefore a risky step for their relationship. The drawn lines in the sand now slowly disappearing and that was her choice. She raised her hand and gestured for him to continue.

"So?", she asked with a raised eyebrow, clearly proud about his obvious discomfort.

He took a final breath at the same time choosing his following words wisely.

"Love, for me, means caring more about a person than you care about yourself, feeling a bond you cannot explain, you simply feel it. Love is surrender, mutual understanding and forgiving. You can question my sanity but I used to believe in fate. Many years ago, I met someone under unnatural circumstances and a indestructible bond was formed immediately...", he spoke, his voice thick with emotion as his thoughts lead him back to an event, which happened 20 years ago. Once more, he set his jaw and let the breath out, he didn't know he was holding. "I lost her out of sight, but never out of mind. There was always the irresistible urge to protect her from harm, although I knew, I would be the man, who caused her more and I wasn't even in love during that time... Anyway, 20 years later, I had the chance to see her again and it hit me full force. I don't know exactly at what point it happened or how, but she has captured my heart, my whole being. After 20 years of traveling around the globe, encounters with a numerous amount of women, I never felt what I feel now. She has put the shattered pieces back together and I'll forever be grateful for that. Even though I'd never have a chance to be with her in a way I want to be, I will be whatever she wants me to be.", he said in a husky voice, "I hope I could answer your question somehow."

His words sent shivers down her spine, she'd never seen him more exposed. All talking about Tom, now forgotten. She hold his gaze until he'd finished his statement; then quickly focused on an invisible point in the distance. Her hand found the scar on her wrist and she began to stroke over it, since that normally helped to sooth her spinning mind. She had the feeling as if she was the person he was talking about and that scared her enormously, because she was not ready to hear that from him. She'd probably never be able to hear it, but she needed to know.

"Are you talking about me?", she spoke quietly; still avoiding his eyes, afraid she might find rejection in them.

"I guess that was a rhetorical question.", he stated while interlacing their fingers, causing her to stop stroking over the scarred flesh. He couldn't row back from his words and it'd definitely change the dynamic of their relationship, but he had to tell her. Even if she wouldn't reciprocate his feelings, his honesty might help to diminish her trust issues. He used his free hand to gently turn her face towards him, so that she would look him in the eyes.

"Lizzy?"

She always wondered how it'd feel to hear those words from a man, but hearing a declaration of love from Raymond Reddington was a completely different topic. He could be a manipulative, cold- hearted jerk, he was everything but trustworthy ,and yet here she was, sitting on a couch in Italy with Most Wanted Number 4, holding hands and pondering if she could fall for him. The answer was: Yes, she could, but she doesn't want to. Not now.

"I feel it, too.", she spoke softly.

"What exactly?"

"That bond, you were speaking of.", she sighted and glanced at him, "I wish I wouldn't feel it, but everywhere I go, I find myself looking around and hope to see you there. I'm craving your attention and I can't stop it."

He squeezed her hand lightly, before his lips brushed her knuckles. That was more than he'd ever hoped for and something he could live with.

"You always have my attention. Even when I'm not there, you have my attention. Never doubt that.", he whispered.

Her lips parted to respond, when a furious Mr. Kaplan stormed outside.

"I'm trying to reach you for more than 30 minutes, Dearie. Do you have a cell?", she said with a ringing voice, causing Red to turn around and Liz startled up next to him.

"It's in...", he said while looking for his phone in his trouser pockets, "I clarify... It was in my pocket. Why are you here?"

Mr. Kaplans eyes wandered from Liz to Red, then back to Liz.

Liz, however, got the message and cleared her throat. "Well, I take my leave then.", she tried to smile but it only came up as a grimace at the mysterious woman.

"Goodnight Agent Keen."

Red only nodded and lead her inside to bid her goodnight.

"Dembe will pick you up tomorrow.", he said with his hand in his pocket.

"Okay."

He opened the door and gave her a small smile. "Goodnight sweetheart."

She walked out, then turned around one last time, "I don't love you, yet but I certainly love the way you love me, Red.", she said smiling before stepping away from his doorstep.

"I can live with that.", he said. His voice hoarse and he could swear his heart jumped out of his chest. This woman would ruin him, but in the most sweetest way.


End file.
